I Raped Myself

He said it, so it must be true.

Everything he said was true.  Nobody else liked me.  Nobody else could love me.  Nobody else saw me as worthy.

“Do what I tell you, or else.”

The or else was a scary thought, so I did what I was told.

He paid for my lunch.  He drove me around.  He did me favors.  So, I owed him.

He never let me forget it, either.  I tried to leave.  I tried to get out of his mandated obligations.  I tried to just disappear, and hope he would forget me.

Sometimes, I thought it was working.  I could walk by him, and he wouldn’t acknowledge me.  He wouldn’t even give me that look of disgust.

Did that make me free?

I wasn’t sure.  Before I had a chance to understand true freedom, he was back.  He apologized his way back into power.  He disguised his dictatorship as democracy.

I bought my own lunch one day.  I realized how little I paid for it when I used money.

I asked for help.  More like, a definition.  I was told that I deserved my situation.  I was told there was no definition.  I was given the “get up and move on” speech.

Did everybody agree that I was worthless?

Or, did my own belief in my worthlessness give others the right to treat me that way?

When he said I owed him, I paid.  The payment felt exactly like or else.

He doesn’t deserve my favors.

I buy my own lunch now.

In response to The Daily Post- Unreliable Narrator

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About sydbosque

I'm a young stay-at-home mom. I had quite a colorful past, explained in some detail in my testimony. I met my husband while I was waitressing overnights after graduating college. We were married six weeks after we started dating, and were pregnant two months later. My life has been FULL of blessings and struggles. I am surrounded by a loving, encouraging family, and they have brought me through some very rough times. I am writing this blog because at one time, I considered abandoning my faith. I read book after book trying to prove God to myself. After all of my research left me still wondering, I reflected on my life. I realized the most powerful evidence of the existence of God was His influence on my past. My hope is that if my blog can help even one person see God, then it has fulfilled its purpose. I don't think I have all of the answers, and please feel free to express disagreement -respectfully- where needed. I'm learning as I write, too. Please tell me all about yourself and your testimony! I love to hear inspiring stories!
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One Response to I Raped Myself

  1. Pingback: Rena [HORROR FLASH FICTION] | Ramisa the Authoress

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